[ he sits, and watches her for a moment. seeing the struggle there. Bodhi swallows, feeling a pang as she speaks at last. she'd been hurting before, when she found him on the deck the other day and let him cry on her shoulder.
maybe he should have checked by a day earlier. leaning forward, he takes her hands in his own. ]
( she flinches almost at the contact. it's unexpected, and whilst ordinarily it wouldn't be unwanted she just doesn't know how to respond to it now.
so she keeps still, trying to relax in his presence, hoping that the contact will provide some strength or ground. something solid.
her eyes fall shut, a final barrier to the tears that threaten to fall. she hasn't cried since the day she'd seen bodhi last, since before shutting herself away, her being instead feeling numb to her emotions.
closing her eyes doesn't stop the tears. it wasn't okay. she didn't feel okay )
[ at her reaction, Bodhi nearly pulls away - not trying to make her uncomfortable. physical contact is still somewhat new to him, even more so initiating it, as evidenced by his hesitance. but more so he wants to relay some of the same comfort Vanessa had given him when he'd been nearly catatonic with his guilt.
leaning forward further, for the second time since arriving on the station, he lets go of her hands to wrap his arms around her in a hug. ]
( it's a little awkward with how she is sat but vanessa sees the sentiment, tucking her head onto his shoulder.
she stays like this for a while, tears quietly falling. when vanessa finally speaks she lifts her head slightly, moving just so he can hear her whisper )
[ he remains quiet, a hand on her back, letting her stay like that as long as she needs. when she finally looks up, he gives her a slight nod. though he is not entirely sure of what she means by that, he gets her pain over such a thing. ]
( vanessa leans back from his touch, careful to avoid his gaze. there is so much that she's never told him, both of them dancing around the stories of their lives. can she make him understand now with so little known? does it matter? )
There are things that I've seen. ( mostly at home but being here has added to her doubts also, her beliefs. it didn't help that some of those experiences had followed her here )
( vanessa wants to feel comforted by that but, as much as she knows that he has experienced terrible things, that he has his own doubts, it isn't enough to raise her spirits. their experiences aren't the same )
And where am I to find peace? Am I simply continue as this?
I realize where we are and everything that's happened, it might seem like you want to give up and give into it, because what can you do? [ he's hardly Jyn, with her perchance for impassioned speeches - when he's more quiet and soft spoken, but maybe he feels strongly enough about this.
he has so little for him here, Vanessa is his friend, and she's hurting. he just wants to get through to her. ] But you're not alone, you don't need to shut yourself away to deal with it on your own.
You don't have to. [ he repeats, trying to meet her eyes ] We need as many people as we can, to help us -- [ Bodhi backtracks slightly, as he realizes what he said ] you all get out of here. If you have to find something to keep yourself fighting here, it seems like a good cause.
Edited (and and and stop using and every other word!!! ) 2018-07-28 23:23 (UTC)
( and there's the conflict. vanessa feels that she is better alone, or at least that's what she tries to tell herself. she has hurt and wronged so many people, others have been in danger simply by trying to help her. vanessa feels the guilt from her actions, refusing to be absolved. it makes her feel alone. how could anyone empathise with such a life -- such a person?
but then there's bodhi, a little shining light trying to break through her darkness. she'd enjoyed his company, found happiness in their friendship, in the friendships of all that she'd made here. they'd helped stave that darkness off for so long.
his words do strike something in her. although vanessa doesn't know what she'd be returning home to (nothing. loneliness. guilt) it had always still seemed better than remaining here. it was home. it was familiar, there were people that vanessa loved--
when bodhi catches her eyes she doesn't pull away, offering a small, if sad smile. he was such a good man, such a kind heart, trying to persevere through when all she'd done was pull away )
I-- ( vanessa falters. she's not quite sure what to say, what she wants. seconds pass before she tries again, hushed words, voice fighting against her tears ) I'll need your help-- if you'll permiss it.
( to keep going, to not fall back. perhaps eventually to learn more of this place so that vanessa can feel that she has a use )
[ Bodhi watches her, remains silent as conflict crosses her expression. he's not gonna try and push her if that's something she doesn't want to do, but - he also obviously does want Vanessa to agree with it. she has talents and abilities that could be of use in all of... this.
he's doing the same, right now. finding something to do, to help, to fight - it's not as if he has much else going for him. all that's waiting for him is death. if he can do something, to make this place more bearable for himself, and those similarly trapped, then he'll try. even though there are so many people here, so much better suited to do so than himself.
when she responds, Bodhi gives her hands a squeeze and a smile. ]
( her smile lingers and she is grateful to him, more grateful than vanessa believes she could ever express in words.
she gives him a nod, a pitiful attempt at thanks, and slides her hands out from his. instead, she leans closer, resting her head against his shoulder. once settled then she takes his hand again, covering it with both of hers.
you are a good man, bodhi rook, and a very dear friend )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
maybe he should have checked by a day earlier. leaning forward, he takes her hands in his own. ]
Hey. It's okay.
no subject
so she keeps still, trying to relax in his presence, hoping that the contact will provide some strength or ground. something solid.
her eyes fall shut, a final barrier to the tears that threaten to fall. she hasn't cried since the day she'd seen bodhi last, since before shutting herself away, her being instead feeling numb to her emotions.
closing her eyes doesn't stop the tears. it wasn't okay. she didn't feel okay )
no subject
leaning forward further, for the second time since arriving on the station, he lets go of her hands to wrap his arms around her in a hug. ]
no subject
she stays like this for a while, tears quietly falling. when vanessa finally speaks she lifts her head slightly, moving just so he can hear her whisper )
I don't know what to believe anymore.
no subject
Why is that? [ he presses, gently. ]
no subject
There are things that I've seen. ( mostly at home but being here has added to her doubts also, her beliefs. it didn't help that some of those experiences had followed her here )
Am I simply mad? Would that be easier?
no subject
they say the consequence is to lose one's mind... ]
I think.. if having seen things makes one mad, then you're in good company.
no subject
And where am I to find peace? Am I simply continue as this?
( haunted. mad )
no subject
he has so little for him here, Vanessa is his friend, and she's hurting. he just wants to get through to her. ] But you're not alone, you don't need to shut yourself away to deal with it on your own.
You don't have to. [ he repeats, trying to meet her eyes ] We need as many people as we can, to help us -- [ Bodhi backtracks slightly, as he realizes what he said ] you all get out of here. If you have to find something to keep yourself fighting here, it seems like a good cause.
no subject
but then there's bodhi, a little shining light trying to break through her darkness. she'd enjoyed his company, found happiness in their friendship, in the friendships of all that she'd made here. they'd helped stave that darkness off for so long.
his words do strike something in her. although vanessa doesn't know what she'd be returning home to (nothing. loneliness. guilt) it had always still seemed better than remaining here. it was home. it was familiar, there were people that vanessa loved--
when bodhi catches her eyes she doesn't pull away, offering a small, if sad smile. he was such a good man, such a kind heart, trying to persevere through when all she'd done was pull away )
I-- ( vanessa falters. she's not quite sure what to say, what she wants. seconds pass before she tries again, hushed words, voice fighting against her tears ) I'll need your help-- if you'll permiss it.
( to keep going, to not fall back. perhaps eventually to learn more of this place so that vanessa can feel that she has a use )
no subject
he's doing the same, right now. finding something to do, to help, to fight - it's not as if he has much else going for him. all that's waiting for him is death. if he can do something, to make this place more bearable for himself, and those similarly trapped, then he'll try. even though there are so many people here, so much better suited to do so than himself.
when she responds, Bodhi gives her hands a squeeze and a smile. ]
Of course I'll help.
no subject
she gives him a nod, a pitiful attempt at thanks, and slides her hands out from his. instead, she leans closer, resting her head against his shoulder. once settled then she takes his hand again, covering it with both of hers.
you are a good man, bodhi rook, and a very dear friend )