( and there's the conflict. vanessa feels that she is better alone, or at least that's what she tries to tell herself. she has hurt and wronged so many people, others have been in danger simply by trying to help her. vanessa feels the guilt from her actions, refusing to be absolved. it makes her feel alone. how could anyone empathise with such a life -- such a person?
but then there's bodhi, a little shining light trying to break through her darkness. she'd enjoyed his company, found happiness in their friendship, in the friendships of all that she'd made here. they'd helped stave that darkness off for so long.
his words do strike something in her. although vanessa doesn't know what she'd be returning home to (nothing. loneliness. guilt) it had always still seemed better than remaining here. it was home. it was familiar, there were people that vanessa loved--
when bodhi catches her eyes she doesn't pull away, offering a small, if sad smile. he was such a good man, such a kind heart, trying to persevere through when all she'd done was pull away )
I-- ( vanessa falters. she's not quite sure what to say, what she wants. seconds pass before she tries again, hushed words, voice fighting against her tears ) I'll need your help-- if you'll permiss it.
( to keep going, to not fall back. perhaps eventually to learn more of this place so that vanessa can feel that she has a use )
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but then there's bodhi, a little shining light trying to break through her darkness. she'd enjoyed his company, found happiness in their friendship, in the friendships of all that she'd made here. they'd helped stave that darkness off for so long.
his words do strike something in her. although vanessa doesn't know what she'd be returning home to (nothing. loneliness. guilt) it had always still seemed better than remaining here. it was home. it was familiar, there were people that vanessa loved--
when bodhi catches her eyes she doesn't pull away, offering a small, if sad smile. he was such a good man, such a kind heart, trying to persevere through when all she'd done was pull away )
I-- ( vanessa falters. she's not quite sure what to say, what she wants. seconds pass before she tries again, hushed words, voice fighting against her tears ) I'll need your help-- if you'll permiss it.
( to keep going, to not fall back. perhaps eventually to learn more of this place so that vanessa can feel that she has a use )